August 20, 2009

Mr.C.G.P.A: How he decoded the “Intelligence matrix”

50+ subjects, infinite assessments, more than a thousand hours of lecture; It’s only human or Indian (as in their “spirit”) to expect a guy (the fairer sex is out of contention here for some obvious reasons) to master all the trades of Maxwell, Franklin, Newton, Tesla, Einstein, (an endless list), in four years. As simple as that! Not to forget the demigods Nagrath, Gaonkar, Bakshi(The undisputed Jack of all trades), Bimbhra, Sawhney, Grewal, etc- without whom colleges around India would topple clockwise with a phase shift of 90° . The journey doesn’t end here. In fact it has not even started yet. The journey is defined only in terms of CGPA.

 The invention of CGPA has perplexed researchers and even people like Duckworth and Lewis, Geoffrey Boycott &his Granny for its amazing capability to measure the electrical knowledge cells in an EEE student’s brain or electronic knowledge cells in an ECE student. Ditch fun, creativity, freedom and the vision to think beyond the stuff printed in paper. The world for four years starts and ends in “CGPA”. It starts with respect from fellow brains and ends at the notice board where the fate is sealed by companies offering campus recruitments based on the magic letters “CGPA”. The good, the bad and the ugly are magnified easily with these four letters. Of course the bad and the ugly have no place in this world !
The Holy Grail of Intelligence
           The “A” word (Ar*e*r) is the veto power hidden in every professors book. Play the game by the rules of his book or expect the veto power to be enforced. You are always under the scanner unless you are a member of the Security Council (No, not the first benchers!). Be prepared to shed light from your teeth every time Mr. (or Mrs.) Hitler cracks something even better than Chaplin. Any exhibition of common sense is strictly prohibited. Mr. Hitler is always right. So any freedom of expression will only result in the enforcement of the “A” word. After all, it is the duty of Hitler to help us unfold the magic trait called “Discipline”.
          Human brain’s intellectual capacity has indeed evolved and grown over the years. Thanks to our brilliant educationalists for their amazing ideas and infusion of those ideas into the education system. What was virtually impossible to Einstein or Newton or our very own Aryabhatta is a piece of cake today for a college student. Can an Einstein or Newton learn fifty different subjects (each an ocean in its own respect) in just four years? Yes, it sounds funny. How can I expect guys who dropped out of fifth grade to do such a mammoth task? But the highly evolved brains of today can do that with ease. Mr. Copernicus learnt all his life just the single fact that “Sun is at the centre of the solar system”. No offense to him, but he doesn’t know about the nuclear fusion reaction happening inside the sun or the fact that the longest solar eclipse of the 21st century would happen in 2009. Neither does he have a good C.G.P.A to certify his level of intelligence. I am sure he would never fit in a Hitler’s book. He could have befriended only the “A” word for all four years in college had he existed today. Lucky him!
          A few days back my friend said “I learnt 26 letters in my first year of school. To the contrary I have learnt just the two letters “BE” for the last four years.” Funny, isn’t it?
Now switch off the lights, touch your heart and tell me, was that funny?


  1. witty and thought provokin....

  2. doesn it seem so stupid n illogical dat cgpa s all abt d measure of how much, u can reproduce d stuff, tat u r being spoon-fed?????whr s d knowledge n application thn?dont even dare think coz here s wen Mr."A" starts ruling....
    request all d "big heads" to seriously think abt it..
    n buddy one of d best works..

  3. totally hilarious and thought provoking!

  4. very well written....its sad that in todays world the value of muggers is more than those who think out of the box...


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